About Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better at It?
Hardcover: 256 Pages
Publisher: Thomas Nelson (March 30, 2021)
My wife drives me crazy sometimes. My husband should already know what I need. Is our marriage in trouble if we fight all the time? Is it possible to learn how to fight?
For the last several years, Penn and Kim Holderness have done the hard maintenance and the research. With the help of their marriage coach Dr. Christopher Edmonston, they break down their biggest (and in some cases, funniest) fights. How did a question about chicken wings turn into a bra fight (no, not a bar fight; a bra fight)? How did a roll of toilet paper lead to tears, resentment, and a stint in the guest bedroom?
With their trademark sense of humor and complete vulnerability, Penn and Kim share their ten most common Fight Fails and how to combat them. Throughout the book, they offer scripts for how to start, continue, and wrap up hard conversations. Couples will emerge equipped to engage and understand, not do battle—and maybe laugh a little more along the way.
- In Everybody Fights, couples will learn how to:
- Conjure the magic of metacommunication
- Break free of secret contracts
- Banish the three Ds—distraction, denial, and delay
- Carry their own individual baggage while helping each other deal with theirs
Penn and Kim want people to know they’re not alone. Marriage is messy. Marriage is work. But marriage is worth it. Fight for it.
Like most people on the internet, I was introduced to the Holderness family when their Xmas Jammies video went viral. Since then, I’ve been a follower of theirs on Facebook and have been entertained by many of their videos. I’ve always been impressed at how down-to-earth Kim and Penn are and have admired their loving and playful relationship dynamic. So when I heard they were writing a book on marriage and relationships, I couldn’t wait to hear what they had to say. Though I’m currently single, Kim and Penn’s book, Everybody Fights has given me insight on how to be a better communicator in my future relationships.
Everybody Fights is the perfect balance of humor and insight. I love how it’s written through both Kim and Penn’s perspectives because we get to see how two people within one couple can view situations very differently. Through Kim and Penn’s fights, readers are shown how the right techniques can transform an explosive fight into a productive fight.
I think a big relationship myth some people hold is that fighting can never be healthy. Kim and Penn bust this myth by showing their readers that there really is a right way to fight.
The words you choose, the tone you take, and how your bodies relate to each other in space can have an enormous impact on how your argument unfolds.
Another piece of wisdom that I took away from this book was to be selective as to how you’re apologizing. While saying “I’m sorry” is human nature, the words “I’m sorry” sometimes aren’t the right words to be using.
We’ve been trained to think of “I’m sorry” as a magic wand for fixing whatever is going wrong, but sometimes we use “I’m sorry” more as a weapon than a magic wand. Many times “I’m sorry” doesn’t address the problem at all
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed reading Everybody Fights by Kim and Penn Holderness. Relationships aren’t 100% conflict-free, and it’s ignorant to think otherwise. Thankfully, Kim and Penn share their experience on more effective ways to fight. Though it addresses marital and relationship problems, the humor in Everybody Fights makes it an easier and more enjoyable read.
Thanks to Lisa from TLC Book Tours for inviting me on this blog tour for Everybody Fights. I received a free copy of this book through TLC Book Tours in exchange for my honest review.
About Kim Holderness
Kim Holderness was born and raised in Sarasota, Florida, and was a competitive dancer (once crowned Miss Dance Florida). She went to the University of Florida, then began her career in TV journalism. Penn and Kim met in Orlando while working in local news and were married in 2005. In 2013 they left the TV business and launched a digital content company called Greenroom Communications. Part of that launch was a video called “Xmas Jammies” that went viral, and led to appearances on GMA, the Today Show, Fox News Channel, and CNN. (Apparently, Xmas Jammies are bipartisan.) The Holderness Family currently lives in Raleigh with their dog, Sunny.
Penn Holderness was born in Durham, North Carolina, to a Presbyterian minister and a public school teacher. He was super into Boy Scouts, show choir, and synthesizers as a kid, so he wasn’t exactly a ladies’ man. He went to the University of Virginia, then started a two-decade career in TV journalism. Penn and Kim met in Orlando while working in local news and were married in 2005. In 2013 they left the TV business and launched a digital content company called Greenroom Communications. Part of that launch was a video called “Xmas Jammies” that went viral and led to appearances on GMA, the Today Show, Fox News Channel, and CNN. (Apparently Xmas Jammies are bipartisan.) The Holderness Family currently lives in Raleigh with their dog, Sunny.